Two most important life issues

According to the Bible there are two issues that are the most important things in all of life.
One is the salvation of the human soul and the other is the glory of the name of God.

So, how do you save the soul so that it is not destroyed and how to you glorify the name of God so that He is not belittled?  I love John Piper from Desiring God ministries.  He has a powerful message on this topic and much of what I have learned comes from his messages.

1 Peter 2; 11-12  Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul.  Keep your behavior excellent amongst the gentiles so that in the thing in which they slander you as evil doers they may on account of your good deeds- as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation.
Those two verses are powerful- abstain from fleshly lusts- the lusts are waging war against your soul.  If you have ever tried to break a sinful habit or addiction you would know that it was like a war!  There are anti-soul forces at work here!  But the passage goes on to say that our victory- our excellent behavior brings God glory.

Jesus said - what would it profit a man to gain the whole world but lose his soul?  Yet. in our current culture these issues are seldom spoken about in any form.  The world teaches us how to battle wrinkles in our skin and stains in our clothing,  We know how to fight cholesterol and weeds, ants and roaches, dandelions and all sorts of health issues but to the world -our souls are non-issues.
We are passionately committed to the inconsequential.

Consider God

As I reflect on the chaos of people's lives one thought repeats itself in my mind.  People are not intentionally mindful of God.  They may say that they believe that He exists but they don't consider Him in their daily walk.  Even many active, church going Christians do not take God into account when planning significant life events.
In Matthew chapter 22 in the Bible it says we are to love the Lord our God with all of our heart, mind, soul and strength.  That's the first and the greatest command that God has given to us.  If we are to honor that instruction we should be mindful of His presence every day of our lives, not just for an hour or two on Sunday.

Hebrews 4:13 says..."all are naked and exposed to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account".
I really do think we will all stand naked and empty handed before the throne of God and give an account for our lives.  In Matt 7:21-23 Jesus says that not everyone who calls Him Lord, Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven. Some will say "we served in the church! we did this and that!" but He will say "I never knew you".  Those will be terrifying words.  To avoid them we must intentionally consider God and talk to Him regularly.

God can read our minds- every thought but we honor Him when we intentionally pray directly to Him.  Also, I think a good practice for any believer would be regular self-examination.  If we were working in Ebola infested areas we would regularly check for symptoms.  The same is true for sin- it is deadly and toxic to the soul, we should examine ourselves and confess any known sin to God.  It gives us a clean conscience which leads to peace of mind.  I know many believers who brush off that thought.  "Oh, all is forgiven!" they say somewhat flippantly.  I think regular self-examination and humble confession reminds us of our weaknesses and the need for God to strengthen us.

Many years ago I started praying in a pattern.  I created an acronym C-L-A-P.
Confess- I start out my time by coming clean- admitting known wrong and asking for forgiveness.
Listen- I quiet my mouth and allow God to speak- or to bring thoughts to my mind.
Ask- I pray for unsaved loved ones, friends with health issues.  I ask for the things I desire.
Praise- I end my prayer time with grateful praise and thanks.

My prayer is that you will consider God.

You don't have because you don't ask God

There's so much trouble and pain in the world.  So much chaos, disease, wars, suffering, drought, wildfires, volcanoes, floods and on and on.  The news is sobering and I am sure it causes anxiety in some people. Still, amidst all of the horrors that surround us I wonder how many people lift their faces to God above and ask Him to intervene?  My guess is that few people do.  Many people look to government to fix their problems.
If you think about drought for example, government can truly do little to relieve the problem.  Man can figure out ways to move water from one location to another but they cannot create more water.  Yet God is there- looking down- in hope that the drought would cause us to turn our faces to the ONLY true source and humbly ask Him to provide...but we stubbornly refuse.

Do we honestly think that WE are in control of life?  We can't even make our own hearts beat.  We are utterly dependent on the Creator and Sustainer of our existence and our lives could be so much more secure if we would only ask Him to help us.  He would not withhold good.

There is immense peace from knowing confidently that even though the storm rages all around us, our feet are firmly planted on a large, solid Rock.  Let the storm rage...my God is Sovereign over all.

The Greatest Treasure

The most valuable thing we can possess is a clean conscience, knowing that all things are good with God.  It gives me confidence that I can enter into His presence and talk about my hurts and fears and longings.  I know that He hears and will respond.  I am not saying that He is my genie and will perform as I ask but I know He is my provider, He is sovereign over all my circumstances and I am confident that He loves me.  His will is always best even when I don't understand His ways clearly.

Watching the news these days can be very troubling.  There are wars, ecological disasters, invisible viruses killing people, wildfires destroying homes...the list goes on and on.  A person could become insecure and worried about the future of our country or health.  The truth is- everyone dies- 100%- no exceptions.  We will all come to the end of life in our mortal bodies one day and we will stand before our Maker and give account for the precious gift of life that He entrusted to us.

What a precious and beautiful experience it will be for the person who lived with a passion for pleasing God.  We must not wait until we are dying in the hospital or nursing home to try and please Him.  We must strive to know Him intimately and please Him here and now.  It's the safest place we can be in these troubled times- under the wing of God.

Set our minds on the Spirit.

I have been trying to gain a deeper understanding of how to “walk in the Spirit. ” How do I live in a human body and be constantly bombarded by earthly things but  “set my mind on the Spirit”.  How does that work?  So I have been studying in Romans and also praying that God would direct my thinking and show me truth.  Today I read:

(Romans 8:5-8) For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.

For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

Wow- that seems black and white.  If we live according to the Spirit we DO set our minds on spiritual things- otherwise we are “hostile to God”!  Hostile means antagonistic, unfriendly, non-receptive.   We cannot please God if our mind is set on the flesh. 

Yesterday I had some trials and difficulties and as the day progressed I found myself wallowing in self- pity.   Now self-pity is quite obviously a mindset that is focused on flesh.  As I pondered this I realized that in the big picture of life- God had allowed the trials and difficulties so if I reacted in a negative way- ultimately my negative reaction was directed at God since He is Sovereign over-all and He allowed it to happen to me. 

I had never viewed self-pity as being hostile to God but it is easy to see that it is a focus on the flesh. 

Peace with God

Over the years my understanding of why I exist has changed a number of times.  Now that I am officially “old” I know for certain that I will be standing naked and empty handed before my Creator soon.  All of us die- 100% guaranteed no matter how hard we work to stay fit and healthy.  And the existence of God is evident in creation even though the vast majority of people do not want to acknowledge Him.  Just because we don’t want a righteous judge to exist does not change the fact that He does.

I am at peace with God.  I long to meet Him face to face.  I understand the apostle Paul saying “to live is Christ and to die is gain”.  I don’t feel like my work here is done- there are some people I love very much who are not ready to meet their Maker and I keep praying for them and hoping to influence them but if God calls me home I will not kick and scream about it!

I can’t say that I have peace with earthly life though.  I feel like I am on the battlefield in a war.  I feel battered and beat up- pulled in different directions- tempted and tried.  I can feel exhausted like I am climbing up Mt Elbert and there is no oxygen! (Did that once and only reached the summit because my sweet hubby helped me).  Daily life can wear a person down.  Sometimes we have an agenda but the multitude of distractions and interruptions keep us from accomplishing much.  Or we are fighting a bad habit and we have days where we fall flat on our faces, both scenarios can be discouraging.

In the midst of all the madness- all the horrible scenes on the nightly news- there can be a peace and calm inside that feels rock solid.  It comes from knowing with absolute certainty that God Almighty is pleased with me.  I’m not perfect- I still fall flat on my face and sin daily – I get impatient- speak without thinking- eat when I am not hungry- but I have more confidence of my right standing with God than I have ever had before in my life.  I have more compassion for the lost and suffering- more hope for victory over the sins that I struggle with- because God is FOR me. It is a peaceful place to be. 

God of the Ants

Several years ago I was sitting in my backyard in a lawn chair planning future yard projects.  I got to watching the ants busily working to build an ant hill in the sandy soil of my lawn.  I thought “They don’t even know I’m here.  They don’t know that I am god over them and could destroy every one of them with a wave of my hand (holding chemicals, of course).  They are busily going about their lives completely ignoring me.  If I destroyed their anthill with my shoe they would just start re-building.”

Recently after watching the sobering evening news, watching the warnings for a horrible storm coming to an area that had just been hit by a previous storm I commented to my husband, “if I lived in that area I would repent!”  I said that because sometimes I think God is trying to get our attention!  He wants us to call on Him to save our wretched souls from destruction!  He could crush us all in a heart beat- destroy everything we’ve done with a wave of His hand and we ignore Him- almost completely.  We go about our lives with our own plans and dreams.  We seldom bother to consider Him.  When we do pray it is usually to TELL Him what we want Him to do for us!  We boss Him around like He is our servant and we get angry at Him when He doesn’t do things the way we want in the time frame that we expect!  How arrogant!

Today I thought about the ant analogy again.  What if I knocked over the ant hill- destroyed all of their work with my shoe- or even a shovel & rake and the ants got angry at me?  What if they decided to attack me by biting me?   Perhaps my intent is that I want them to move their anthill somewhere else.  I am being patient and kind.  I simply want them to acknowledge my authority and move.   Since I can see the bigger picture let’s suppose I didn’t want to use chemicals since I am a bird lover and didn’t want to upset the balance.  They only see the small picture of their lives and I’m knocking over their house.

Isn’t that what many people are trying to do after these hurricanes and tornadoes, volcano eruptions, floods?  They are shaking their fists at God- if they acknowledge His existence at all.  Maybe it’s just “Mother Nature”.  Either way they fail to bend the knee and acknowledge God and there is a huge, eternal price to pay for that.

Take it a step further and imagine the ants start biting me- over and over.  Ganging up- rebelling in mass.  How long would I be patient with that foolishness?  How many bites would I put up with before I said “enough” and got out the big chemicals and blew them all away? 

Sometimes I tremble at the arrogance of man. 

We have such a small view of God.  He is so much more powerful than we can imagine and when I watch the news I wonder how much longer He will be merciful?

Watch me!

Recently, I read something that made me think that a true Christian should live a life that is so guilt free- so zealous- so above criticism that if a young believer asked them, “What should a Christian lifestyle look like?”  they could respond with “Watch me.  Watch how I live.  Watch how I study God’s word.  Watch how I eat and exercise.  Watch how I manage my money and how I spend my free time.  Watch how I treat my spouse and children.  Watch me”.

What a clean conscience one would need if they lived a life open to that level of examination!  It isn’t that we wouldn’t fall flat on our face into sin at times but we would quickly get back up and seek God’s forgiveness. We wouldn’t wallow in the sin. 

I can be “all or nothing” in my thinking and recently I did some research and discovered that this is a “perfectionist” mindset.  If I can’t do it perfectly then I won’t do it at all or I have to start completely over.  For a dieter this might mean if I eat one cookie I may as well eat the whole bag since I “blew it” and will have to start over tomorrow.  It would be so much better to stop at one cookie but the “all or nothing” thinker seldom stops there.  We learn this kind of thinking in early childhood.

The Scriptures tell us to change our thinking. Romans 12:1-2  “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Philippians 4:8  “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”  God empowers us and we can choose how to think.
 

My husband’s cousin recently died and he was a God honoring man.  Many years ago when we were nearing the end of a visit with them he asked us “do you see any hypocrisy in my life?”    I was deeply impacted by that question.  Could I ask someone that and receive their response graciously? 

He was striving to live a life that honors God and he inspired me.

Truth is Priceless

Sometimes preachers speak “peace” to us and sometimes we speak it to ourselves.  We think we are doing well when we “claim a verse” as God’s promise to us but we must be absolutely certain that the living and active Spirit of the Living God has spoken that word to us.  God does still speak to His children.  Jesus said His sheep would recognize His voice.  Sadly, our world gets noisier every day and the chances of randomly hearing His voice gets slimmer.

We carry noise and distractions with us everywhere we go.  Our lives are cluttered with interruptions and it is a struggle to think deeply about anything. 

The sad truth is many people claim to be Christians but they have no desire at all to know Christ well, to talk to Him and know what He expects of them.  They do not pursue truth in the innermost.  They find something that feels right and good and they embrace it as truth whether it is or not. They forget that God has an enemy and this enemy is the master deceiver. 

A follower of Christ must want to hear His voice- must want the absolute truth.  We must crave it- pray for it- look in the Bible for it.  We must ask God to “lead me to a passage that speaks to where I am today”. However, it is a sobering thing to hear from Him because then we cannot claim to “not know” the truth.  It is like a child playing outside and making lots of noise so he “doesn’t hear” his mother calling him to come inside.  If he hears he is obligated to obey or risk punishment.  The positive side is that if we asked God for directions on making a decision and felt like we heard from Him then we can proceed with great peace and confidence.  And it will be a real peace.

We have to fight for the truth- sometimes it’s like looking for a hidden treasure in a garbage dump.  It is a lot of work, there are many distractions and a lot of junk to wade through.  But God does love to bless the children who persevere in this work and finding a jewel can be the most joy-filled, exciting thing!  It makes all of the work worth the effort!  Truth is priceless.

The Hard Path

There is a destructive evil in Christianity today and a tendency for preachers to comfort the masses with words of peace.  Given the bad news on the TV each day it is no wonder that we long to hear something pleasant.  The more upbeat the message- the more popular the preacher.  The helplessness we feel over devastating weather patterns or shaky global economy should cause us to look to God for comfort and answers but sadly even Christians turn to the government – not God. 

   

When I saw hurricane Sandy headed for the east coast I prayed that my friends and relatives out there would cry out to God for protection- deliverance- salvation!  I thought of the biblical account in Amos 4 where God is talking to Israel and says:

 “I gave you cleanness of teeth (starvation) in all your cities, and lack of bread…yet you did not return to me,” declares the LORD. “I also withheld the rain from you…I would send rain on one city, and send no rain on another city; one field would have rain, and the field on which it did not rain would wither… yet you did not return to me,”…I struck you with blight and mildew; … your fig trees and your olive trees the locust devoured; yet you did not return to me,”  “I sent among you a pestilence(plague or disease)… I killed your young men with the sword…and I made the stench of your camp go up into your nostrils; yet you did not return to me,” declares the LORD.

          God very clearly takes responsibility for starvation, drought, insect and plant diseases- loss of crops, human illness and even war and death.  He is sending calamities in the hopes that His people will return to Him and acknowledge their need for His provision and protection.  But He laments that despite all suffering and loss the people refuse to cry out for His help.

We have made God into a formula: "Just say this prayer, give, serve, try to do the right thing and you can go to heaven when you die".  How nice.  How handy and convenient.  I have been to a number of funerals where the deceased never showed any interest in God his entire life.  Why would he even WANT to “go to heaven and be with God”?  His very life proved that he didn’t.  But many don’t want to face the awful truth that someone we knew and loved might be facing an eternity of screaming agony…so we talk about what a good man he was.

I fear that churches today neglect the call to fight evil, pursue holiness, put on the full armor, engage in the battle against sin, be watchful and pray.  Fight against our natural tendency to be spiritually lazy.  If it’s true that I simply need to follow a few guidelines and “believe” the right things then why would Scripture warn so strongly against sin and call us to work out our salvation with fear and trembling!? (Phil 2:12).  It is NOT a simple formula – it’s a craving- a hunger- a passionate pursuit of God and a desire to be with Him more than we want life here on earth.  It’s a love that encompasses our heart and mind and body and soul.  It’s a desperate desire to know Him better and please Him more every day.  It’s a heart thing- not a ritual.  We have to WANT to be with God so much that it affects everything we do and everything we are.

"For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few."

(Matt 7:14) Search for it!  This is the most important thing you can do in all of life!!

Getting to the Roots

If your shoes were causing your foot to blister you wouldn’t focus totally on the blister- buy ointments, band-aids etc.  You would get different shoes.  If you didn’t change the shoes in some way they would simply give you another blister. 

Emotional pain can be like a blister- it flares up and hurts like crazy!  Sometimes we hurry to put out the inflammation and soothe the hurt but real, lasting healing will only come if we can deal with the source of the pain- the root issue.   We need to find what is causing the emotional pain.

I like to garden and do yard work.  I live on an acreage that was once meadow and prairie.  The weeds are stubborn and tenacious.  A person can mow and mow, week after week and chop the tops off of the weeds but if you don’t deal with the roots they simply come back.  I have also discovered that many weed species are able to go to seed when they are very short. When that happens I have an old root AND new baby weeds to deal with.  The mowing is simply not enough.  It can make the surface look better for a while but it isn’t a true solution to weed control.

Killing off the roots with chemicals is costly.  Digging up the roots by hand is hard and dirty work.  It is time consuming and slow but either way- getting rid of the roots is going to cost me something.  However, it is a much more lasting and effective solution to the problem.   

The same is true with struggling to understand the emotional issues that drive my behavior.  Sometimes I am believing lies and really don’t want to admit that I have been wrong my whole life.   But oh, the sweet peace and joy I experience when the lie is replaced with truth and the darkness is replaced with light.  It is worth every bit of effort.

The Battle for Holiness

One area of sin that I have struggled with for years is the sin of idolatry.  I didn’t recognize it for a long time- I thought it was just a bad habit or character weakness.  God opened my eyes to see that my idols were many- there were a few dominant ones but many smaller, fairly adequate idols also.

As my understanding of the Bible increased I realized that God expected me to fight for holiness and a “One God allegiance”.  I realized my idols had to go but I loved them dearly, they had served me fairly well.  My idols were the things I ran to for comfort, pleasure, to unwind after a hard day and I surrounded myself with them for easy reach. 

There was TV… what a nice distraction from mental pain.  I can sit motionless and stare at it and “forget” all my troubles.

There was food- umm a soothing comfort to ease physical tension- smooth and creamy was my favorite idol.  Salty, crunchy was next.

Then there was shopping- this one made me feel strong- powerful.  Slap that credit card out and have anything I wanted.  THIS will fill the void!

I read in the Bible that Almighty God would one day ask me what I had done with the life that He gave me. I read that His intent was to create me in hope that I would look for Him- find Him and turn to Him for every need- live with a constant focus on Him- living to please him- adore Him- rejoice in all the blessings He showers me with, recognize His authority over me.  He’d be my dad and I would be His beloved child and we would enjoy one another forever!

He wanted to be ALL I needed.  He wanted to satisfy every longing.  He wanted me to check in with Him regularly and live with the intent to please Him.

A lawyer walked up to Christ one day and asked Him “what’s the greatest law?” and Christ answered “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the great and first commandment.” 

Well, I rationalized, these things are not really gods- I don’t bow down and pray to them!  But they WERE the first thing I ran to when I wanted to unwind and soothe myself.  I am entitled to some pleasure! I want something real and tangible.  I couldn’t figure out how God- so distant and unseen could soothe me like a DQ chocolate extreme blizzard.

My real battle for holiness began when I realized that I had a bigger problem than just having a bad habit or two.  I was deeply involved in a lifestyle that compromised my standing with God.  Breaking the #1 top commandment was a serious offense and there was grave danger in ignoring it.  I was going to have to do serious battle with my own body and mind.

Solitude: Revitalizing? Dangerous? Or Both?

A retreat alone in a cabin in the deep woods, isolated from the world…that's my idea of a safe place. Ever since I was a tiny child I have felt that people were a source of pain and solitude was safety. I would wander off into the deep timber and feel such peace and calm. I still enjoy retreats for solitude and I find deep soul refreshment there.

However, there is another side to solitude that I have come to recognize both in myself and in others. There is the enemy tactic that comes straight from the pit of hell. It is a solitude that is designed to isolate me from the safety of the crowd so that I can be destroyed. It keeps me from influencing them and it keeps them from influencing me.

If a wolf wants to destroy a sheep he will run the edges of the flock hoping to draw one off to the side- alone. It is easier to kill it then. The flock- which is defenseless by nature- has no ability to attack or defend itself- provides protection just by encircling round each other.

In Scripture God refers to us as His sheep and He is our Shepherd. Psalm 100 vs 3 says “ Know that the Lord, He is God! It is He who made us and we are His; we are His people, and the sheep of His pasture.” If we go off alone He draws us back to the fold. His plan is for us to enjoy community for our own good.

So we must periodically ask ourselves: am I spending a healthy amount of time alone? Am I feeling refreshed in God? Are people getting on my last nerve? Perhaps I need some alone time. But then what effect is alone time having on me? Is it calming, strengthening, revitalizing?

Or is it making me feel despair, sad, hopeless, despondent? There is no good thing down that path. Despair does not lead to any good place. Truthfully, there is incredible danger in too much solitude.

No flock is perfect. They are all full of stubborn, hard-headed sheep but then… if they can put up with me perhaps I can be patient with them.

Stuck Between A Rock and a Hard Place

Recently I found myself “between a rock and a hard place.” As I considered my options I thought about praying to God for help but I like to exhaust every possible option for figuring it out myself first. I’ve never liked to ask anyone to help me personally. I learned it early in life. The few times I admitted need to an adult they told me “they didn’t want to get involved”. In all fairness I probably never told anyone enough for them to truly see the desperate nature of my situation. But their response set me on a course of aloneness.

So there I was last week- between the rock and the hard place- feeling stubborn in my soul. Stuck. No good options. I found myself facing the wall of defeat. Why can’t I pray for personal help? I can make a plan for myself and then ask God to bless my plan. I can even ask Him to help me while I am making the plan. But there is this humble, helpless place in prayer that I just refuse to go.

If I am going to have peace with God, peace in the innermost then I have to dig out any rooted lies that come between us. So, I started searching for the belief that this behavior is rooted in. I went back to the memories of being tied to the chair, blindfolded, gagged. It is the most helpless, powerless, vulnerable feeling. You can hear the enemies moving around, whispering. The tension, dread and terror are extremely high. Utterly alone and powerless.

I felt my blood begin to boil just thinking about it. I felt the rage welling up in me. NO ONE WILL EVER DO THAT TO ME AGAIN! I would rather DIE fighting than sit there in fear and trembling. I’d rather be dead!

That was the message in my head. Better to be dead than helpless- so the default action is go to the internet, search for another plan.

Anger is protective and makes me feel strong. But it's shallow, fake and not a true power. I was still stuck! I needed a power outside of myself and altho' the internet offers an ton of options there's no real power there and I knew it.

That’s when I realized what God is calling me to. He is calling me to willingly sit in the bloody chair, acknowledge my helplessness and ask Him to deliver me. The very thought made me tremble. Utter depths of humility. I felt a wave of emotions, fear, lack of faith and trust in God, pride, and my supposed independence of Him.

Thus says the Lord: Heaven is My throne and the earth is My footstool. What is the house that you would build for Me…? …But this is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and who trembles at My word.” Isa 66

Then the light went on in my head! There is immense power available to me if I will trust Him and sit in the chair of humility. The most staggering power in all the world came down to the Cross of Christ. The CROSS! The utter depths of humility. God willingly laying down on a filthy wooden cross and letting the enemy nail Him down. And then like a lightning bolt- power came down- power enough to set all men free from every sin, cleanse them of every defilement, make them able to stand and not be crushed by the righteous fury of a Holy God. Enormous power. That’s my Dad, my Creator, my God. And if I will quit rebelling against Him and instead I would just sit in the chair of helpless need, He will come close to me. He notices humility. It pleases Him immensely because it is true, factual, valid, authentic reality! It is not make believe power like my anger is. It’s the real deal and He loves it when we realize our true position in life.

I felt an amazing clarity. Bright lights going on in the dark places of my mind. Suddenly Romans 7 made sense! Paul is struggling with flesh and sin and lamenting the frustrations of doing the very things he hates and he writes “who will deliver me from this body of death?” …this physical, fleshly, weak body that repeatedly sins against a Holy God? And he answers himself- Christ! Christ sets me free because He went to the Cross for my freedom. The Cross was the ultimate act of humility. There is immense power in humility and it requires a greater strength of faith than I have ever known before. It's like Indiana Jones stepping into the void!

The Reason We Exist

Why do we exist? What is the point or purpose for my life? Is it just about what I decide to do with it? What I want? What I like? Is that why I exist- to find my own fun and reason to live? Or was I created by some huge, powerful being that I will answer to?

This morning my mind wandered off and I found myself imagining ants. I have played with this analogy before but it tends to fall short of what I hope to achieve. But, what if I loved ants? What if I found them delightful and charming? I loved watching their industrious – busy- hard working focused little lives.

So I got myself a big comfortable camp chair- we’ll call it my throne- and I perched myself where I could watch them building communities- fighting wars with other communities- working together to haul home large, heavy, dead bugs home as tho’ it were some huge elk to feed their growing young.

Stretch this even further and imagine that I actually created the ants and I have the power of life and death over them. But I am a loving creator and I provide gentle rains, sunshine, abundant sand and every material they need to thrive and prosper. I protect them from dangerous bull-dozers and I watch over this yard. I sprinkle delicious bread crumbs and berries on the ground for them. I give them everything they need to multiply and prosper and take over the entire backyard.

And let’s imagine that the whole reason I created them was solely for my pleasure, there is no other reason for their existence at all. My hope, as I sit there on my throne watching their busy little lives, is that they will THINK and WONDER about why they exist. I hope they will look for meaning in life beyond moving the grains of sand. I hope they will look up- find me and love me for giving them life and abundance. I want them to love me.

In fact, I want them to love me with all of their hearts and minds, their strength and souls. It is what I want more than anything! I want them to live for my pleasure- adore me- worship me. And if they do…if they search for me and love me utterly- I will gently reach down my finger and lift them up to a paradise that is beyond their wildest imaginations and I will keep them as my own delight and we will have such a celebration.

And for all the rest of them who ignored me- hot burning fire- that will destroy every trace of every work they have ever done. What if…?

A religious leader asked “Which commandment is the most important of all?” Jesus answered, “…You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ "

(Mk 12:30 )

The Value of Loyalty

I wasn’t very popular in grade school but I had one special friend starting in second grade, named Suzanne. We played together every recess. We shared our lunches and swapped food with each other. We played jump-rope and hopscotch together. We confided and told each other secrets. We were best of friends. Suzanne’s mother was a bit unstable. The diagnosis “bi-polar” didn’t exist then but that was the style of her instability. She would seem to switch personalities. I still envied Suzanne for her family life because it seemed far superior to mine.

One day in about 5th or 6th grade, Suzanne came to me sadly and told me she was no longer allowed to play with me. It seemed her mother was having a bit of Protestant zeal and had decided that my nominal Catholic home was a threat. Suzanne would not be allowed to play with any Catholics. I assured her we had no real religion but she said her mom’s mind was made up and her younger sisters would be watching to be sure that we no longer talked after today.

I was crushed. I could hardly believe what was happening but my hope was that her mom would soon “forget” and we could resume being best friends. But the sadness I felt was nothing compared to what was coming. Suzanne not only stopped talking to me but in a fairly short amount of time she joined a small group of girls and started taunting me- calling me names. I was so hurt and shocked. How could a person be a close friend one week and an enemy the next? Our relationship was never the same- even after Suzanne’s mom “forgot” about the ban on Catholics.

I do think it can be very hard at times but I believe there is much value in loyalty. I am afraid we have become a culture that pursues immediate personal happiness and comfort at the expense of relational depth. If a job doesn’t keep me happy- I get another job. If a church doesn’t feel good to me- I get another church. If my marriage is hard- I get another spouse. We readily throw up our hands and leave when things get hard- we have little to no fortitude. No willingness to suffer for the greater good.

I know I don’t like to suffer but I must say, lately, I have been harvesting some of the sweetest relational fruit that I have ever had. I have been married to a sweet gentle man for 35 years. Our anniversary is tomorrow and we are able to laugh easily, work side by side, talk deeply about heady subjects. We can endure tough times and pull together to do it. It hasn’t always been easy but the loyalty has been utterly priceless.

I Have Food Issues

I have started a new Bible study called “Made to Crave” and the speaker talked about how dieting can make us feel deprived and we need to think of ourselves as empowered by God to make choices. Instead of feeling sorry for ourselves and whining when everyone else is eating cake- think about the truth. I can eat the cake but I have the power to pass and be satisfied without it.

One bad habit I have had for a long time is evening eating. It was a ritual- unwind by snacking even tho’ I wasn’t hungry physically. Then I would go to bed and get heartburn! I knew I was causing the heartburn and one part of me hated my behavior yet did it over and over again.

As I pondered my behavior and sought God to help me understand why I repeatedly ate at night the thought popped into my head “going to bed hungry is a punishment”.

That’s when I remembered being forced to go to bed without supper, many times. I weighed 93 lbs when I graduated from high school and I was skin and bones all of my growing years, so I didn’t have lots of “reserves”. When I was forced to go to bed without supper I wouldn’t be able to sleep through the night. So, I would slip out of bed and put some peanut butter on a slice of bread. But my step-mother would count the slices of bread before she went to sleep. She would also tie a thread to a cupboard handle and drape the thread through the other handle so she would be able to tell if the door had been opened. She would also use a flour sifter to put a light dusting of flour on the kitchen floor so she could be positive which child came out of their bedroom in the night. So I might get a slice of bread at 3 am but I would get a whipping with the leather strap in the morning- and no breakfast.

I knew it was wrong to have someone treat me this way and I seethed with hatred and bitterness toward her. But I was also terrified of her and felt she had the potential to kill me. But I made a vow- “when I grow up I am going to eat anything I want and no one is ever going to stop me.”

But then here I am- 50 years later- empowered with the Spirit of God to make good choices and I am still choosing badly, still bound by my own vow. I asked God to set me free from the vow- I no longer wanted to be driven by it.
I feel it is shameful to live in today’s world where horrible suffering is taking place all over the planet, governments are collapsing, earthquakes, flooding, tsunamis, famine, disease running rampant, economies on the brink- all sorts of horrendous troubles and my whiny prayer request is “oh Lord, help me get my face out of the bowl”!!! I feel so ashamed! THAT is my greatest need??? What is wrong with this picture? And it isn’t just me! Many of my female friends are caught in the same net.

With Paul I cry “who will set me free from this body of death?” and then he answers his own question- “Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ, our Lord.” (Romans 7). Jesus can set me free- even tho’ I have willingly beaten a deep rut in the path of habitual evening eating- Jesus is able to free my feet from the net and set me on a new healthy path. I will daily look to Christ.

New Thinking on Love

My father worked two full time jobs for 12 years (and then he dropped dead of a heart attack at 42 yrs of age). He worked from midnight to 8 am - came home, drank a pot of coffee, showered and changed clothes and then went to a 9-5 job. I didn't see him in the mornings because of my school schedule. He came home at 5:20 and dinner had to be ready. We ate and then he went to bed to sleep til 11pm. I saw him for 20 minutes a day for 12 years. Every day I sat across the dinner table and yearned for him to look at me- notice me- talk to me. After years of no acknowledgement that I even existed I hardened my heart to the need. I decided it was weak to need anything from anyone. I decided to need nothing- expect nothing.

I am married to a wonderful guy. We celebrated our 33 1/3 anniversary last spring and it has been a good relationship but one thing that has been an ongoing stresser has been his desire to be appreciated. He will do some job around the house and wants me to look at it, express interest, appreciation etc and I have always seen this as a weakness. My attitude was- ok, big deal- you got one thing done- now go do the next thing. I thought it was silly for him to need praise.
God has done some amazing healing in my life this past year and part of that healing has enabled me to be vulnerable enough to "hope" for things like love, appreciation, validation, affirmation. The amazing thing is that I realize - we were created with this need- this longing. It is not a weakness. It is a God given part of being human. How convicting it is for me to realize that I have withheld a very natural part of life from someone I care about! He wasn't being weak- he was being real and I was the one who was wrong. Without love we are nothing.

Feeling Entitled

As I have struggled in my pursuit of personal holiness- which currently manifests itself in my desire to lose weight for the glory of God- I have discovered feelings of resentment and bitterness. I have messages inside my head that say “I have suffered enough” or “I’m entitled to a treat because I have worked hard today”.

As I explored the roots of these thoughts I came to painful memories of being denied basic necessities like food and sleep. My step-mother would frequently come into my bedroom in the middle of the night and grab me by the hair and drag me out of a sound sleep. She would force me to stand in the middle of the bedroom. She’d slap me hard to make sure I was awake and tell me that my snoring woke her up and that I had better not make a sound until she was fast asleep.

She would deny me food because I didn’t eat fast enough. When she was done- I was done. She would grab my plate and throw the remaining food in the trash- usually it was my dessert.

Another thing I was denied was the right to treasure anything. If a teacher had written a note like "good job" at the top of a school paper and I wanted to save it, I might hide it in my dresser drawer. Periodically and totally unannounced- my step-mother would storm into my room, dump all of the drawers out onto the floor, flip the mattress up checking underneath and then she would destroy everything she found.

She despised me and she made sure I knew it every single day.

So, it is easy to imagine that a child treated this way would harbor resentment, bitterness, vengeful thoughts and make vows like “when I grow up no one is ever going to treat me this way. No one is ever going to tell me what to eat.” It’s also easy to understand why this child might grow up into an adult that is angry with God, believing that He is not trustworthy- after all He has allowed a great deal of pain. He allowed the people who were responsible for my care and well-being to be hate-filled and cruel. It is easy to see how this could cause a child to question authority since those in authority were not trustworthy.

I think the enemy of God loves to injure and confuse small children. They are easy to deceive and they grow up into wounded adults with trust issues.

Thankfully, I have found God to be loving, tender, willing to heal my broken places, assuring me that He was not pleased with the way I was treated either. Vengeance belongs to Him- He will repay. I must forgive those things done to me and not allow bitter roots to grow. As someone once said “harboring unforgiveness is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

Pulling Weeds

Call me a skeptic but whenever I hear about a great new book or program that is causing excitement I seriously doubt that it will have any significant impact on people's lives. The reason for my skepticism is that I truly believe that for any good seed (or idea) to grow- the soil must be prepared first and the weeds MUST be rooted out. They can't just be mowed down and raked up a bit, they must be rooted out deeply. If the weeds are allowed to remain there will be no significant fruit resulting from the seed no matter how pretty the package is.

It grieves me deeply to see people rushing out to buy the latest packet of pretty seed because I believe almost all of them are a total waste of time and energy. And I see it happening over and over and over. I admit that I have bought more than my share of "self-help books" in the hopes that I could find a quick easy fix for my life. It never works and it never will. There are no shortcuts to growing fruit.

The only reason for any hope at all in reading those books is that perhaps- just maybe- they will stir a deep longing for change and that longing will move a person toward the hard work of pulling weeds.
I love it when I find great tool that helps me in the battle- some blast of a chemical I can spray or some granule that prevents weed seed from germinating at all but the battle is still relentless. The wind blows and a zillion new weed seeds fly in. If we want to have a garden that bears any fruit at all- I believe the most important thing we can do once the seed is planted is to diligently root out weeds.

I think it is true as well in every area of our lives. The enemy wants to crush us with clutter, activity, busyness, needs, fears, worries, noise, temptations and the list could go on and on.

I have gone on vacation each year during July or August just to escape the humidity and when I come back the weeds have NOT been sleeping- their growth has been remarkable! But I roll up my sleeves and get back in the fight because we cannot grow weary in the battle- we must persevere and we must believe that it WILL pay off someday. There WILL be a harvest and when that lovely harvest comes in- all the sweat of labor will be forgotten.
It will be worth it all.