Mind Peace

I have discovered that a key factor in having and keeping peace- inside of my head- is influenced by what comes into my mind. Thoughts are like birds or flying insects- they are constant and one cannot fully control them. But the majority of what comes into my world is by my choice.

In my hunt for peace I have found it to be very important that I guard my mind and choose wisely. That means monitoring the music that I listen to, the TV shows that I watch, the books that I read and so on.
I was in the habit of watching CSI when it first came out years ago. I loved the investigative elements of the show but as the months rolled on sometimes I found myself feeling defiled by the horrible crime that was committed at the start of the show. Of course, there had to be a crime to solve but sometimes there was a sinister, evil element that lingered in my thinking. I felt convicted that I shouldn't be watching so many cop shows but I didn't want to give them up. So then, I not only felt defiled by the evil in the show but I felt a sense of guilt and shame for watching it despite the effect it had on me.

Needless to say, this is not a good scenario for peace.

I have given up watching cop shows. I don't miss them at all. The sense of being defiled and the conviction I had felt was from the Spirit of God who was trying to steer me away from evil and lead me to a better path. I try to fill my mind with things that honor and please God. Then I skip the guilt and shame and it moves me toward a greater sense of peace.

Sometimes I need to sort thru past memories to find things that have stolen my peace but other times I just need to be on guard against things that threaten to steal it in the here and now.

Making Peace with the Past

I have discovered that if I desire true and deep peace in the here and now, I have to make peace with my past. I can't just bury it or ignore it. I watched a part of a program on TV last night about the horrors of the Vietnam conflict and grown men would break down and weep as they told their stories. The pain doesn't disappear- it is very real and a part of who we are. But I have discovered that God is very willing and able to heal my emotional wounds and show me the truth- if I am willing to go and look.

This morning in my quiet time with God I read a bit about the roots of food issues. The author claimed that there are building blocks in life and we cannot fix a top block if a foundational block is amiss. First, he said, we must like ourselves- then we are free to enjoy relationships with people. If we enjoy healthy relationships with people- then we can have a healthy relationship with food. He says people come to him and say "fix my food issues" and he says to them "what don't you like about yourself? We need to start there."

When I asked myself that question I immediately thought of being 14 years old- it was during my "10 years of hell". My step-mother despised me. I had one yellow plastic cup that I was allowed to drink out of and I wasn't even allowed to touch the others. I had one threadbare rag of a towel that I was allowed to dry myself on. She would kick me in the back to wake me up in the morning. She despised me every minute of every day. I was pimply faced and flat chested so I didn't fit in at school either. I felt so lost and alone. People didn't like me but I couldn't DO anything about the things they disliked. I felt hopeless and helpless. Powerless.

So, I asked God to show me "how do I make peace with this memory? What needs to happen in my thinking that will enable me to lay this painful stuff to rest?" I walked around inside my head- meandering through the memories- visiting the rooms of the house we lived in- looking for peace. It is clear to me now that my step-mother was a very unhappy woman. She felt unloved herself. She was bitter and she was looking for a dog to kick. I just happened to be there- as the dog. I didn't do anything to deserve her hate- the rage and frustration was inside of her. I was just something to kick.

And then I realized that God's hand was on me even then. I survived those 10 years of hell. God had a plan to rescue me, redeem my life and use me for His glory. I am blessed indeed. I hold no bitterness toward my step-mother. My desire is to face God today with a clear conscience- naked and unashamed- hiding nothing from Him- with a peace in the innermost parts of my being. No hate, no bitterness, no anger or unresolved emotions- just sweet peace. "Tho He slay me yet I will trust Him." God's character is not in question in my soul. He is with me now and He was with me then.

Peacefilled Vacation

A few months ago I was convicted about my struggle with weight issues. I felt that the root problem was spiritual and I started hunting for truth. I found a program that was mindlessly easy. I started losing weight and feeling like I was on a good path. It gave me peace of mind to just plod along a day at a time, persevering and slowly making progress. There is nothing magical about the program itself- it is just a method- a tool to help me reach a goal.

Anyway, my husband and I are leaving for a few days of camping in Arkansas. As I was prepping for the trip- planning what to eat during the car trip and while camping, I started thinking about "taking a vacation" from my diet. "I deserve a break and it would be easier and lots more convenient to make some exceptions to the plan". That was the train of thought that frequently came to mind.

Today, in reading "My Utmost For His Highest" Chambers says "You no more need a holiday from spiritual concentration than your heart needs a holiday from beating. You cannot have a moral holiday and remain moral...".

Wow! That was just what I needed to hear to get my heart back on track. I am so amazed at the nearness of God and I wonder - what are the chances of this topic popping up on the very day before our trip? God is so faithful to speak truth to us from a variety of sources if we are truly hungry for it. I want to keep cultivating a heart that stays open to God and wants to be lead in truth.

Today's Thought

This morning I was reading Matt 11 and Christ was talking about His cousin John who dressed humbly and ate locust, didn't drink wine and people said he is crazy- he has a demon. But about Christ they said "He is a gluttonous man and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!" (sounds like you can't win in trying to please people!). But then in the last half of the verse there is a sentence that SEEMS totally unrelated to what He is talking about. (I've learned that these comments are never unrelated). So, right after saying He is a friend of sinners- it says "yet, wisdom is vindicated by her deeds. " ESVersion says "Wisdom is justified by her deeds."

It was one of those moments when I think "I've never seen that before."

Since I had gone to Matt 11 to read about being yoked with Christ (that was the verse for the day in "My Utmost for His Highest") I started pondering both lines of thought together.

If we are wise in choosing what (or even who) to be yoked with in this life our choice will be vindicated one day. Humbly seeking God for wisdom before making decisions can have huge and profound value down the road. People may not approve, they may scoff and ridicule but wisdom will be vindicated. God's wisdom will be proven to be right in the end even when it makes no sense here and now.

The example that came to mind was when people choose to be yoked to the idea of living in a mansion here and now. They spend all of their time working for the paycheck so they can make payments on the big house for years and years. They are hoping to win approval from others but they are very definitely yoked to the debt. They have made a decision that affects the majority of their life and the life of their family. In this country it is such a commonplace choice that we hardly even see it as an option but it is.

The day is coming when we'll stand before Almighty God and we'll be naked and empty handed. All of our earthly possessions will be gone-- you really can't take it with you. Oh, how I long for more wisdom! It feels like I make a million choices every day that I have to live with later on. I need to be wise.

Pursuing Peace

Getting to a place of inner peace and calm has become my passion-perhaps because I have gotten a taste of it and found it to be the most amazing place. It is sweeter than anything I have ever tasted. It's a place of God-centeredness. There is no guilt, no shame, no regret, no bitterness or agitation of any kind. I suppose it is a taste of heaven and I want more. Unfortunately, everything on earth opposes me. I am bombarded by tasks that must be done, people that must be attended to, needs that must be met and even fleshly requirements such as necessary sleep.

I am also amazed at how very real and influential the pains of my past are to my current life. They have colored my opinions, influenced my personality and my default responses to life are affected, there is no doubt in my mind.

We have an amazing ministry in our church which we call "Renew" because it focuses on renewing the mind as Romans 12 tells us to do. Don't be conformed to the world, the passage says, but be transformed- changed- by the renewing of your mind.

Anyway, I have found that forgiveness is the most amazing and transforming experience. When I forgive someone, even someone who is dead and gone, it feels as though a huge rock has been taken out of the backpack that I carry through life. I feel joy!

My husband and I like to camp in the wilderness so we go to Colorado nearly every summer and we still love to hike off to remote locations. One time we carried everything we needed (except water) to live for 4 days in the wilderness. We had a filter to purify water. Our backpacks were very heavy with tent, sleeping bags, food and cooking gear. We had to hike very slowly because there is "no air" in Colorado- at least it feels that way to flat-landers.
So I have experienced first hand what it feels like to plod along with a heavy load attached to me. When we reach our camping destination we remove the huge packs and set up camp. Whenever we go day hiking we carry clean water and snacks, a rain pancho for the sudden storms that come up, maybe a few first aid items, binoculars, maybe a camera, but the load is so much lighter. It does not feel like a burden at all compared to the backpack.

That is how I feel after I have honestly come before God and examined my "load". He opens my eyes to the fact that I need to forgive someone and when I willingly forgive I feel like a big weight has been removed and I am lighter! It is exhilarating and it makes me all the more willing to do it again the next time.