Stuck Between A Rock and a Hard Place

Recently I found myself “between a rock and a hard place.” As I considered my options I thought about praying to God for help but I like to exhaust every possible option for figuring it out myself first. I’ve never liked to ask anyone to help me personally. I learned it early in life. The few times I admitted need to an adult they told me “they didn’t want to get involved”. In all fairness I probably never told anyone enough for them to truly see the desperate nature of my situation. But their response set me on a course of aloneness.

So there I was last week- between the rock and the hard place- feeling stubborn in my soul. Stuck. No good options. I found myself facing the wall of defeat. Why can’t I pray for personal help? I can make a plan for myself and then ask God to bless my plan. I can even ask Him to help me while I am making the plan. But there is this humble, helpless place in prayer that I just refuse to go.

If I am going to have peace with God, peace in the innermost then I have to dig out any rooted lies that come between us. So, I started searching for the belief that this behavior is rooted in. I went back to the memories of being tied to the chair, blindfolded, gagged. It is the most helpless, powerless, vulnerable feeling. You can hear the enemies moving around, whispering. The tension, dread and terror are extremely high. Utterly alone and powerless.

I felt my blood begin to boil just thinking about it. I felt the rage welling up in me. NO ONE WILL EVER DO THAT TO ME AGAIN! I would rather DIE fighting than sit there in fear and trembling. I’d rather be dead!

That was the message in my head. Better to be dead than helpless- so the default action is go to the internet, search for another plan.

Anger is protective and makes me feel strong. But it's shallow, fake and not a true power. I was still stuck! I needed a power outside of myself and altho' the internet offers an ton of options there's no real power there and I knew it.

That’s when I realized what God is calling me to. He is calling me to willingly sit in the bloody chair, acknowledge my helplessness and ask Him to deliver me. The very thought made me tremble. Utter depths of humility. I felt a wave of emotions, fear, lack of faith and trust in God, pride, and my supposed independence of Him.

Thus says the Lord: Heaven is My throne and the earth is My footstool. What is the house that you would build for Me…? …But this is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and who trembles at My word.” Isa 66

Then the light went on in my head! There is immense power available to me if I will trust Him and sit in the chair of humility. The most staggering power in all the world came down to the Cross of Christ. The CROSS! The utter depths of humility. God willingly laying down on a filthy wooden cross and letting the enemy nail Him down. And then like a lightning bolt- power came down- power enough to set all men free from every sin, cleanse them of every defilement, make them able to stand and not be crushed by the righteous fury of a Holy God. Enormous power. That’s my Dad, my Creator, my God. And if I will quit rebelling against Him and instead I would just sit in the chair of helpless need, He will come close to me. He notices humility. It pleases Him immensely because it is true, factual, valid, authentic reality! It is not make believe power like my anger is. It’s the real deal and He loves it when we realize our true position in life.

I felt an amazing clarity. Bright lights going on in the dark places of my mind. Suddenly Romans 7 made sense! Paul is struggling with flesh and sin and lamenting the frustrations of doing the very things he hates and he writes “who will deliver me from this body of death?” …this physical, fleshly, weak body that repeatedly sins against a Holy God? And he answers himself- Christ! Christ sets me free because He went to the Cross for my freedom. The Cross was the ultimate act of humility. There is immense power in humility and it requires a greater strength of faith than I have ever known before. It's like Indiana Jones stepping into the void!