Let the Pain Stop With Me

There seems to be a tendency in humanity to pass along the pain. When we are hurting, one option is to inflict pain on someone else and it temporarily distracts us. We all are responsible for our actions so I am not excusing them but I would guess that prisons are full of people who have suffered in one way or another and then acted out their pain on someone else.

I remember a terrifying night shortly after I had given birth to my first child. She was crying and crying. I was exhausted and sleep deprived. She had a belly ache and wouldn't stop crying. I had fed her and rocked her. She fell asleep in my arms and I gently put her back into the crib so I could get some sleep but she woke up and started crying again. I remember standing there starring down at her as she screamed- feeling a slurry of emotions- many of them not good. I remember wondering if I was capable of hurting a child- if there was an abuser inside of me. I felt terrified at the thought of passing on the pain but I knew that I was capable.

I think we are all capable of heinous crimes. We'd like to believe that we are "above it" but the heart of man is wicked and evil. Thankfully I chose to wake up my husband and I did not hurt my baby but sometimes when I see the news and hear about a woman who "lost it" and did something awful to her children... well, I feel compassion for her. I feel sad that she did not have someone to help -who would not judge or criticize her. I hear folks say " How could anyone ever do that to their child!?" implying that THEY would NEVER do such a thing. I think that remark indicates either naivete or pride. We are all capable of evil.

I have experienced a lot of emotional, mental and physical pain but I desperately wanted the pain to stop with me. I've made mistakes and I've passed on some of my pain but God mercifully protected me from repeating the abuse that I grew up with.

We need the power of God and the loving support of others to successfully make it through this life. Accepting that fact and embracing it wholeheartedly brings peace of mind.